What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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