he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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