it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
