hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
