come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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