ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
