i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girls should come with a carfax report
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
