Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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