I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
