Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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