You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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