just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
