it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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