i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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