omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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