I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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