i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
