Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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