Please, let me fuck your mom
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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