ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
