Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Please, let me fuck your mom
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
