genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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