I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
