idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want to fling myself into the sun
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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