Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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