Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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