The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
