So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
