after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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