I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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