If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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