I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
