I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
