the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
