i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
