I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
