at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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