On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
