I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
