And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dignity is for republicans.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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