she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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