We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
