I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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