i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
