He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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