Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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