Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
