Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
