I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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