In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
