Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
