u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
