She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
