I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
4 words: hood of his car
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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