found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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