So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
