Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
