My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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